How To Control That Obsession You’re having over Someone
Obsessing over someone is hard on you, your friends, your family, your career, and it can disrupt your entire life. It’s a problem you need to take care of as soon as possible. The longer you wait, the worse it can get. Whether you have a mild or severe case, you need to take care of it before it creates irreversible damage.
Is it easy to get over an obsession you have for someone? Absolutely not! It’s like fighting an addiction. There is help. I have a few tips to offer, and there are a lot more in the resource section that will give you the advice you need now to get your life back on track.
My Perspective on Obsessing Over Someone:
Is Your Relationship Over?
Is the relationship over? Answer honestly. Now, there may be a chance that you could get back together in the future, but hanging on to that possibility won’t help your situation now. Think of it this way. Is there a possibility you can get back together with this person this month? If the answer is no, then it’s over, and it’s time for you to take the steps to get your life back on track.
Is It About The Other Person, Or You?
Make sure you know what your feelings are about. Do you feel that you can’t live without the person, or could it be something else?
The person you’re obsessed with may not be right for you, and because you won’t admit to it or can’t see it, the real fear could be, “being single,” due to social pressure or the fear of being alone, etc., and that’s the real problem. This realization can help you get over this person and move on to the real issue.
It’s A Learning Experience
Life is a journey, and many people come and go in our lives: friends, classmates, co-workers, and people we have had relationships with. Many of these people may have unknowingly had a purpose for being a part of our life; the reason could have been to teach a lesson, prepare us for something better or for future events, etc., which is a part of life.
It could be the other way around; you could be the one offering a lesson to someone else.
Either way, think of this person as providing you with a learning experience. What lesson have you learned? Once you have learned the lesson, you don’t need to get back into the relationship; there are no further lessons to be learned.
Don’t Fight The Feelings
Resistance to pain can make the pain more intense. If you resist your feelings, those feelings can be more painful and last for a longer period of time. Don’t resist the pain you’re feeling; instead, embrace the pain.
Does this mean you should hang on to those feelings that are making you obsessive? No, you embrace the pain and then release it; this allows energy to flow through you, and then you release that energy.
You Don’t Have To Get Rid of The Feelings
Getting over someone doesn’t mean that you don’t have feelings for them anymore. After all, you may have had a long relationship. It’s like a friend that you haven’t associated with for a long time. You still have feelings for them, and even though you don’t see them a lot, you still like them as a friend.
When thinking about that special person, especially after a breakup, you play the memory over and over. It’s a never-ending loop. When this occurs, it’s time to focus on the issues that you didn’t like about the person.
Start writing a list of everything you don’t like about the person. Keep in mind that, when you are falling for someone, the things that you don’t like about the person become, “Oh, that’s cute!” After a while, the issues you called cute, turn into really annoying aspects of their personality. So, for this exercise, nothing is cute! Be honest with yourself and list everything you don’t like about the person.
Update this list when more things come to mind. Look at it every day and every time you find yourself thinking about them! Keep doing this until your feelings diminish.
Some triggers activate your feelings and get you back into the cycle of obsessing. For example, you drive by the restaurant of your first date; the song about which you declared, “This will be our song,” is playing on the radio, etc.
You need to avoid the things that set off triggers!
Avoid going to places that bring back memories. Avoid looking at photos of the person. Remove the person from all your social media feeds, and, whenever you do come across something that triggers your emotions, don’t freak out. Instead, look at the list I mentioned above then preoccupy yourself with something else; don’t engage.
Do You Feel Unworthy?
You may feel unworthy of their love. Let’s look at one perspective. When you were dating, they were interested in you!
Perhaps it wasn’t the right match. Maybe the timing was off. It also could be that the person has their focus set on something else, like their career.
Another possibility is that someone else was a better fit for them. All these are legitimate reasons and should not make you feel unworthy. There is no reason to beat yourself up; the match just wasn’t right!
Do You Really Want A One-Sided Relationship?
Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to be in one with you? You may think yes, I love that person! Trust me: you don’t. You’ll always be the underdog, fighting for their love, trying to please them, worried if they leave you. It will consume your life!
You’re better off being alone than in a one-sided relationship. You are unique, and you have a lot to offer to that special someone who’s right for you. Be patient: you’ll find someone when the time is right, and when you do, you’ll feel confident, full of life, and you’ll be happy.
Save what you have for the person who’s right for you and stop wasting your time, energy, and life, obsessing over someone who isn’t right for you!
A Collection of Resources Related to Being Obsessed Over Someone
In addition to my perspective on this topic, you’ll find a unique collection of articles related to obsessions. Each article is written by a different author, and you’ll have a strong understanding of many perspectives.
Take the time needed for those articles that interest you and put those practices in place starting now.