Toxic Friendships at Work: Signs & What to Do

Toxic Friendships at Work: Signs to Watch For and What to Do

Making friends at work can boost teamwork and productivity. In fact, 81% of professionals say their company sees workplace friendships as a boost to productivity, and Gallup research has found that employees with a best friend at work are seven times more likely to be engaged in their jobs. A good work friend backs you up during challenges and celebrates your wins.

But not every workplace friendship is healthy. Some friendships wear you down instead of building you up. Knowing the difference matters — and spotting the signs early lets you step back before a toxic friendship hurts your career or your mental health.

This post covers the ten signs of a toxic work friendship, how it can affect you, and what you can do about it.

10 Toxic Friendship Signs To Be Aware Of

It’s important that you take note of the behaviors and reactions of your work friends as you interact with them. Don’t fall victim to assuming that “this is just who they are.”

At times, the signs of a toxic friendship may be right in front of you. Strive to identify dishonest friends, so you don’t waste time developing those relationships. Here are a few signs to help you recognize your toxic friends at work.

1. Toxic Friends Put You Down

“Friends” like these mock and undermine everything you do. They downplay your goals and achievements and any fortune that comes your way.

If you get a promotion, they say it’s because you know the manager. If you bring new ideas, they are quick to criticize them or say they will never work. You may have friends that constructively criticize your ideas to challenge you to think bigger.

However, toxic friends do so because they don’t want to see you win. They are never happy when you progress more than them.

2. Toxic Friends Are Disloyal

They may tell other coworkers your secrets or something you told them in confidence. Of course, anyone can make a mistake and say something that was supposed to be private. But toxic friends do it intentionally and constantly. They seem to derive joy from talking behind your back.

Pay attention to any friends at your workplace that badmouth you or betray your trust. You want to have friends who support you and don’t condone it when others talk ill of you.

3. Friends That Try To Make You Change Your Values

The third indication that you may be dealing with a toxic work friend is when they criticize your values or try to change things about you.

For example, they may tell you to change your dressing style or scrutinize your choice not to drink in social settings.

A good friend is someone that supports or, at least, accepts your values even though they disagree with them.

4. Friends That Have No Respect for Your Boundaries

One sure sign of a toxic friend is when they don’t respect your boundaries.

Perhaps they go through your belongings when you explicitly told them not to. Or it could be they read your emails or wear your coat without asking. You may mistake this behavior for a sign of closeness when they may be intentionally ignoring your boundaries.

A true friend respects your personal space and doesn’t try to take advantage of you.

5. Friends That Enjoy Humiliating You

If a toxic friend gets a chance to humiliate you in front of your coworkers, they will take it. They may tell embarrassing stories of when you slipped up at work or make fun of your flaws.

Their stories may come off as teasing or jokes, but they will, in most cases, leave you embarrassed or hurt. Of course, good friends can also tease or make fun of you, but they always know where to draw the line.

A real friend will not make fun of something you are sensitive about or something unfortunate that happened to you.

6. Friends That Make Everything About Them

Toxic friends may consider their problems, interests, or opinions more important or relevant than yours.

They don’t find anything happening in your life valid or worthy of attention. Your challenges and interests come second to theirs.

They may rant to you for hours about their problems, then throw in a quick “what’s going on with you?” before returning the conversation to them.

7. Friends That Are Competitive in an Unhealthy Way

With toxic friends, every single thing feels like a competition. They may compare your life, achievements, and even social status to theirs. Toxic friends don’t want to see you progressing more than them.

As a result, they may become envious when you get a raise or subtly put you down when they get it before you. This kind of competition makes it challenging for you to confide in them because you can’t be sure whether they are happy for you or just keeping score.

8. You Feel Uncomfortable or Anxious Around Them

A toxic friend can leave you feeling uncomfortable or on edge. Maybe it’s because you expect an insult or a put-down. Maybe it’s because they tend to shoot down your ideas and accomplishments.

A good friendship should make you feel at ease, not tense. If you notice constant anxiety around a friendship, pay attention to how you interact with that person.

9. Friends That Gossip Too Much

Gossip fuels suspicion and distrust. If you have a work friend who gossips to you about other coworkers, they may also be talking about you when you are not around. It’s best to be cautious when dealing with such coworkers.

10. Friends That Are Envious of Your Other Friends

A toxic friend may want you to always put them first in your social circle. They are envious when you choose to hang out with your other associates. And they may drive a wedge between you and other colleagues in your work circle. Toxic friends may also insult your other companions or downplay their importance to your life.

Unhealthy friendships come in different forms. They might not match all of these signs, but if you notice a few, proceed with caution. This does not mean that you need to have perfect work friends.

You may have a friend that occasionally gossips but genuinely cares for you. Or a friend that enjoys teasing you but is supportive of your goals and dreams. If you still feel confused about which friend is toxic or genuine, use these questions as your guide:

Are they supportive?
Do they make me feel good about myself at all?
Do they accept me for who I am?
Do I feel good being around them?
Do they clap for me when I win?

How a Toxic Friendship at Work May Affect You

A toxic work friendship does more than sour your day. Research on toxic workplace relationships points to real effects on your mental health, well-being, and job performance:

It can damage your self-confidence and self-esteem.
It can lower your morale, to the point where you dread going to work.
It can raise your stress levels, both at work and at home.
It can spill over into your relationships with other coworkers.
It can hurt your productivity, since energy that should go into your work goes into worrying about the friendship instead.

Tips for Dealing With a Toxic Friendship

So, you may have noticed that you have a toxic friend in your work circle. How do you deal with this situation? There’s no need to end the association right away. You can try to fix it first. Here are a few tips for dealing with a toxic friend.

1. Talk to Them

Speak up and tell your toxic friend about their behavior. Tell them how you don’t like it when they insult you or talk about you behind your back. Be open about how you want them to be your friend, but you don’t like how they treat you.

Having such a direct conversation can feel scary, but it might help your friend see how they’ve been hurting you. Be polite and respectful when talking so that your friend doesn’t get defensive.

They may acknowledge their mistake and apologize. If they don’t, you can move on to setting firmer boundaries or stepping back.

2. Enforce Your Boundaries

After talking to your toxic friend, re-establish your boundaries clearly. Use phrases like “I don’t appreciate it when,” “I don’t like it when,” or “please don’t.”

For example, say your friend goes through your desk files without permission. You might say, “Please stop going through my files,” or “I don’t like it when you go through my desk files.”

Communicate clearly on how you won’t accept their behavior. You don’t have to explain why you have these boundaries.

Pay attention to how your friend responds as you express yourself. Do they shrug it off and jokingly tell you to calm down? Or do they apologize and say they won’t repeat it?

Shrugging it off may be a defense mechanism, but it’s also a sign that your friend doesn’t value or respect what you have to say.

You can’t make someone respect your boundaries, but you can control your response. If they keep disrespecting you, it’s best to reduce contact and practice detachment.

How to Get Out of a Toxic Friendship

As intimidating as it may be, taking a step back from the friendship may be the best and only solution. It’s okay to cut ties with a toxic friend. But how do you do it in a work environment?

Walking away cold turkey isn’t practical since you might run into them during meetings and lunch breaks. Here is a guide on how you can get out of the toxic friendship at work.

Accept The Facts

The first step to getting out of a toxic friendship is to acknowledge that it’s over. Accepting reality may hurt, but remember that your mental health and self-esteem are more valuable.

Accept that your friend may never change and that your friendship won’t be the same again. Try to forgive your toxic friend for everything they did to hurt you. Doing so will allow you to start healing and move on.

Slow Distancing

Cutting ties with a toxic friend doesn’t have to be awkward or dramatic. You can distance yourself slowly and let the friendship fade away. You may have to talk to them during meetings and other office gatherings, but stick to work-related conversations.

Your relationship with your toxic friend can begin and end in the office. Refrain from giving them details about your life or any other personal information. You can also avoid going out with them after work hours. Keep your relationship civil and professional.

Go Against Their Routine

If you know your friend’s work routine, you can use this information to your advantage. Go against their routine to reduce the times you meet up with them.

For example, if your friend goes for lunch at 1 pm, go at 1:30. If they like to engage in a breakroom chat in the morning, avoid the breakroom during that time. You might still run into them in various places. Just have a quick and casual conversation, then excuse yourself back to work.

Build a Relationship With Other Supportive Work Friends

Look at your other work relationships — the coworkers who are positive and supportive. Put more time into those friendships. Be the kind of friend you want to have: friendly, positive, and dependable.

Don’t close yourself off just because one or two coworkers turned out to be toxic. And don’t rely on work friendships alone — leaning on people outside of work, like family and friends outside the office, gives you another source of support when things get hard at work. Your goal is a friendship built on mutual care, not a one-way relationship.

Conclusion

Workplace friendships can make your job more enjoyable and even help your career. But not every friendship at work is worth keeping.

Pay attention to how a friend treats you. A toxic friend downplays your wins, talks about you behind your back, and enjoys getting a reaction out of you at your expense.

If you have a toxic friend at work, start by talking to them about their behavior. If nothing changes, take a step back — distance yourself gradually, without drama, and put your energy into the coworkers who actually support you.

Key Points and Facts About Toxic Friendships at Work

Work friendships are linked to lower stress and higher engagement — but only when they’re healthy.
81% of professionals say their company sees workplace friendships as a boost to productivity (KPMG, 2024).
Employees with a best friend at work are seven times more likely to be engaged in their jobs (Gallup, 2010).
Toxic work friendships are linked to lower self-esteem, higher stress, and reduced productivity.
The most common signs include put-downs, disloyalty, boundary violations, and unhealthy competition.

Action Steps for Dealing With a Toxic Work Friendship

Talk to Them

Tell your friend specifically what behavior bothers you.
Stay calm and factual rather than accusatory.

Set Clear Boundaries

Use direct language: “I don’t like it when…” or “please don’t.”
Repeat the boundary calmly if it’s crossed again.

Create Distance

Keep interactions professional and work-related only.
Avoid sharing personal details or making after-work plans.

Invest in Supportive Relationships

Spend more time with coworkers who are positive and reliable.
Lean on friends and family outside of work too.

Checklist for Spotting and Handling a Toxic Work Friendship

Identify the signs
- Put-downs, disloyalty, boundary violations, humiliation, or constant competition
Assess the impact
- Check in on your stress, confidence, and morale
Address it directly
- Have an honest conversation about the specific behavior
Set and hold boundaries
- Use clear, direct language and stay consistent
Distance yourself if needed
- Keep things professional and reduce contact gradually
Build better connections
- Invest in supportive coworkers and your outside support system

FAQ: Toxic Friendships at Work

How do I know if a work friendship is toxic?

Look for consistent patterns, not one bad day. Put-downs, disloyalty, boundary violations, or feeling drained after spending time with them are the clearest signs.

Can a toxic work friendship be fixed?

Sometimes. A direct, honest conversation about the specific behavior gives the friendship a chance to improve. If nothing changes, distancing yourself is the next step.

Should I report a toxic coworker to HR?

If the behavior crosses into harassment, bullying, or affects your ability to do your job, involve HR or your manager. For friendship friction that falls short of that, talking directly or setting boundaries usually comes first.

Will ending a toxic work friendship affect my job?

Not if you handle it professionally. Keep interactions civil and work-focused, and let the personal side of the relationship fade naturally.

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