Most goals are stand-ins for something deeper. This article walks through a simple questioning technique for finding the real reason behind a goal you’re chasing. It’s for small business owners and managers who set goals but sometimes lose steam, or who hit a goal and still feel unsatisfied.
I once listened to an interview with Bob Doyle, a Law of Attraction teacher featured in the film The Secret, and Jack Zufelt, author of The DNA of Success. Zufelt is the bestselling author behind the “core desire” framework, which argues that willpower and goal-setting alone aren’t what drive lasting achievement. Here’s what stuck with me from that interview: Zufelt’s view is that to actually achieve a goal, you have to know the exact reason you want it.
This makes sense if you already know why you want something. But according to Zufelt, if you can’t name the reason, you probably haven’t identified your true goal yet. Even if you reached it, the achievement might not satisfy the deeper need driving you, and the effort spent chasing it could end up feeling wasted.
An Example From the Interview
I recall Zufelt describing an example from his own audience. He once asked a woman what her goal was, and she named a dollar figure. He told her, “That isn’t your true goal.”
She wasn’t sure what he meant, so he asked, “What will more money give you that you don’t already have?”
She said, “I can quit my job.” He asked again, “What will that give you that you don’t already have?”
She said, “I can become debt-free.” He asked once more, “What will that give you that you don’t already have?”
She paused to think. Then, with tears in her eyes, she said, “A better relationship with my husband.”
That was her real goal. She had believed she needed more money to pay off debt and relieve stress, so she could have a better relationship with her husband. Once she saw the true goal, she could work toward a better relationship directly, without needing the money as a middle step.
Why This Works: The Business Version of “Five Whys”
This questioning pattern isn’t unique to personal goals. Toyota engineers use a nearly identical method called the Five Whys to find the root cause of a manufacturing problem. The technique was developed by Sakichi Toyoda at Toyota in the 1930s and later became a core part of the Toyota Production System.
The idea is the same either way: keep asking “why” until you move past the surface symptom and reach the real cause. Zufelt’s version applies that same logic to personal goals. You keep asking what a goal will give you until you hit the real reason, instead of stopping at the first answer.
How to Try It Yourself
The technique itself is simple. Ask yourself: “What will this give me that I don’t already have?” Keep asking until you feel a shift, a moment where the answer changes from a fact to something emotional.
This lines up with research on motivation. Studies on students find that when they choose their own learning goals instead of having goals assigned to them, intrinsic motivation holds up better. The same logic applies here: naming your own true reason for a goal, instead of chasing a number someone else values, is part of why this exercise works.
Key Points and Facts About Finding Your True Goal
- Many goals people state out loud, like a revenue number or a dollar figure, are actually stand-ins for a deeper, unstated need.
- The technique works by repeatedly asking “what will this give me that I don’t already have?” until the answer becomes emotional instead of factual.
- A nearly identical method, the Five Whys, is used in business to find the root cause of operational problems rather than just treating symptoms.
- Research on student goal-setting shows that self-chosen goals tend to hold up better over time than goals imposed from outside.
Action Steps for Finding Your True Goal
Start With Your Stated Goal
- Write down the goal exactly as you’d say it out loud, including any numbers attached to it.
- Don’t judge or edit it yet. Just get it on paper.
Ask the Question, Then Ask It Again
- Ask yourself: “What will this give me that I don’t already have?”
- Write down whatever answer comes up, even if it feels obvious.
- Ask the same question about that new answer. Repeat.
Watch for the Shift
- Keep going until an answer hits differently, often something emotional rather than practical.
- That answer is usually closer to your real goal than the one you started with.
Reframe the Goal
- Once you find the real reason, consider whether you can pursue it more directly, without the original goal as a middle step.
FAQ: Finding Your True Goal
Why would my stated goal not be my real goal?
- People often name goals in terms of money, status, or other measurable things, when what they actually want is a feeling or outcome underneath it, like security, freedom, or a better relationship.
How many times should I ask the question?
- There’s no fixed number. Keep asking until you notice a shift in how the answer feels, whether that takes two rounds or five.
Is this the same as the Five Whys used in business?
- The mechanics are nearly identical: repeated “why” questions to get past the surface issue. The difference is that Five Whys targets an operational problem, while this technique targets a personal goal.
Can I do this without a coach or facilitator?
- Yes. Write your goal down, ask yourself the question, and answer honestly on paper. It works as a solo exercise.
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